Thursday, 17 July 2014

So I got an iPhone at some stage over the last few months which is great. I couldn't give a frig about instagram, twitter or any other apps. No the only reason I got the thing was for snap chat and more importantly Tinder.
For those of you who don't know what Tinder is here is my explanation of it:

Tinder is really a mixture between a dating website and a game. When you set up your profile you select a handful of photos and write a little bio about yourself.
Then you are away, from here there is a seemingly endless stream of single girls looking for prince charming or the closest thing they can get. You see a terrible girl you swipe left, you see a pretty girl you can click into her profile where you can see the remainder of her photos, read her bio and see what friends you have in common.
Like any game there are ways to cheat. At first I cheated by approving large amounts of girls quickly then deciding which were worth talking to (this way I saved time by not judging girls that were not going to match with me). The most effective way to boost the matches I found was by having a good first photo and a bio that was going to to make me seem like a better person then I actually am.

I guess you are probably wondering what kind of crap an egotistic asshole like me would put into a bio. After a bit of playing around I found the best thing to do was actually rule out girls…. or at least give the impression that I was picky. I stated that any pictures taken in a bathroom lost them 5 points and had a few other things that I'd dock points for. Of course I awarded points for stuff like a photo with an exotic animal (you would be blown away with how many have photos with either a tiger or elephant). On top of this I also had a little section where they could guess which of the following was a lie from a list of 5. This again boosted numbers, I guess anyone who reads the bio wants to know which are true, it is also a good way of showing what a great person I am in a nice way (joke).

Im going to start writing part two tomorrow.

Friday, 3 January 2014

A few updates piled into one

Well I was getting worried there that the very first girl that I was going to log the relationship of was going to end in a…… relationship? Because that really wasn't the point. I'm still not sure what the point is but I may make for some good reading for somebody else.

So since my last update we had one pretty good date (a big day out that I wouldn't usually go the effort over) where she finally loosened up a bit. In all honesty I was incredibly busy at that time so I asked her along to an event a bunch of my friends were at (I had to fit all social activities for that week into the afternoon because I had so much work). Everything went great. After I helped her with christmas present ideas and we strolled through a craft market and then I dropped her home. I sorta impressed myself with the day to be honest.

Week before christmas (a week and a half after the late one): no date. I must have messed up somewhere. My phone was down but I had asked her out even though I wasn't really feeling there was any chemistry at all. I got a text back just letting me know that she needed some "alone time". Now I was pretty surprised since if anything I gave her too much space but on another hand relieved since the purpose of asking her out was to stop me chasing any other girls that would be more distracting.
 A week later she messaged me on Facebook, all was good back home and asking me a few questions.

Now she is a nice girl and good looking but I for some reason was feeling as though I was out of her league (even though I don't believe in leagues, a point I will touch on again). Maybe it was because she wouldn't be the type my friends think I would go for, she is a bit more serious then I would usually pick but hey beggars can't be choosers.

Now here is the kicker, I had lunch yesterday with my friend "A" who introduced us we had a good catch up where she filled me in on the latest gossip all of which would make me laugh and also feel a little shitty.

  1. The girl I was interested in last year (who is really nice but incredibly boring) was in a relationship with some Spanish guy. This initially made me happy as I wanted her to find somebody  since there is no record of her getting with any guys at all. The relationship lated one week (this made me laugh and even happier since I wanted her to be in a relationship but not in a good one). Apparently at the end of it there were tears even though she dumped him (yeah I am an asshole I sorta felt bad when I heard that).
  2. Alice had made out with one of  "A's" friends at NYE in their home town.
Now I am left here feeling slightly rejected by a girl that I was probably going to reject pretty soon, I'm not sure if it was a good thing or not but it did make me feel better about sleeping with somebody else a few weeks earlier. Unfortunately I have a new interest that is going to be far more tricky to take on since I am already in the "friend zone" (the most horrendous and inhospitable place in the world), I reckon I am setting myself up to fail here since I have a friend to girlfriend conversion rate of 0%.

I didn't message her for a few weeks. Out of the blue I got a text telling me that she didn't think it would work out. I couldn't help but agree but somehow I felt like I had just been dumped by the girl that I had already dumped.

Saturday, 14 December 2013


I bought tickets to the preview of a Secret Life of Walter Mitty about a month before the showing, I am pretty sure I had them before I started to date Alice. The reason I got them was two fold:
  1.  I wanted to see the movie.
  2.  I figured it would push me to ask out a girl.
So it worked out I guess as it had pushed me to go on the 2-4 dates I you have just read. Any way you probably don't care if you are reading this but I loved the movie….. she didn't (so I had to pretend that I didn't like it either because I thought it was too awkward to disagree). After last weeks no proper kiss debacle, I took somewhat of a stand outside the cinema and went for it. She was running late so she cycled in so I didn't need to drop her home (I forgot to check if she made it home ok but then remembered just as it was too late, it would have been a bit awkward to have checked in at that stage)
Aaaaaany way it was progress.

Friday, 6 December 2013

So apparently I wasn't stood up.

I'm now even more confused over what to call this date, it is either our 2nd or 4th. Anyway we saw significant progress in that she showed up. Already I could write this off as more of a success then last time!
Anyway we were both absolutely starving and in the mood for a good feed (thankfully because I really wasn't in the mood for tapas or a fashionable restaurant with tiny portions) so we just went out for a nice burger place near by.
Our mutual friends that had introduced us had just broken up so I was already feeling pretty forlorn, she didn't really seem to give a shit so that cheered me up as I realised it wasn't my problem.
After I caught the bill we went for a drink in a bar around the corner where I then preceded to spend the next hour or so not making a move because I had just remembered that I was a massive chicken shit. After we had both come to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to make a move, we got out of there and went our different ways.
Yup as disappointed as you are having wasted the last minute reading this you can only imagine how much of a twat I felt like walking home.

Saturday, 23 November 2013

Alice part 2

Well after that incredible first date (or second depending on if you count the time we met) it may come to you as a shock that I got stood up on our second date which was about a week ago.
I didn't get properly stood up but was on my way into the city and got a heads up that she had fallen asleep as soon as she had sot back from uni, so I let on I hadn't left yet and returned home where i proceeded to eat two tubs of Ben and Jerrys (yeah guys do that too)
Now I could be gullible, but in fairness to myself I did know that she had just had a really tiring couple of days with a bunch of exams so I like to think that I wasn't totally stood up.
Anyway time will tell, lets see if this will go anywhere.

Off form

Right so I might as well tell you all about the most recent dating failure. Let me paint the picture:
About a month ago two good friends of mine that were dating invited me out to dinner with a bunch of their friends. It was pretty relaxed and fun because I knew most of them but something about one of the girls I hadn't met before (Alice) made me want to ask her out.

So I did, well in all honesty it was a bit of a cop out. Our group had another dinner in great tapas place in the city but Alice couldn't make it. Being the calculative creep that I am I hopped on the opportunity next time I was chatting to Alice (over Facebook as I didn't have he number at this stage and we were in different universities).
She made a sad face emoticon and said he had never been there. Exactly six hours and thirty one minutes later I replied with a classic: "I feel bad now, and I haven't been on a date in ages. Do you want to check it out this thursday?". This real translates into 'hey I am going to pretend to take pity on you as an excuse to ask you out…... and incase you turn me down I was only saying it to be nice to you'.
She replied with a cool and collective "yeah sure" almost straight away.
The date went pretty well, a combination of being so exhausted from a day of work and also giving up everything good in my life for my final year of university made me feel like I wasn't my usual self.
And how did it end…. of course this is the bit you want to know (and it is also the bit of the date I hate the most and am most awkward with no matter how much I try and pretend to be somebody confident),  I gave her possibly one of the lousiest peck on the lips in history, said goodbye and bolted.
God I am weird.
There is no real purpose to this blog. I have tried to start so may before but never managed to even make one post after.

To give you a bit about me I am a guy, without a girlfriend, sorta tired of not having a girlfriend but too busy to really have a proper relationship……. tragic really.